Refer back to my last blog—The Better You Get, The Worse You Feel—to understand this one. I should have named this one The Less You Expect, The Better You Feel, but I see a strong parallel with the first one.
Writing for me is not an exercise in “here’s what I know; all hail the expert”; it is an exercise in “here’s what I’d like to understand; I’ll write a blog so I can learn more.” Here’s a case where such writing clearly served its purpose. I understand myself better today than I did just last week, thanks to that last blog! I guess I’m a little slow on the uptake sometimes, but some simple issues really bog me down; in this case, it was a simple airing of something I’ve thought about for many years that led me to cross the threshold into new thought. Anyway. . .
It occurs to me that if I didn’t have such darn high expectations for myself, I would be a happier person. . .and probably a better banjo player. I question whether or not I can ever truly satisfy myself, or if I should just lower my sights a bit, accept where I currently am on the banjo ability totem pole (in the grand scheme of things, does that really matter?), and move on from there. This “right-sizing” process used to happen a lot for me, but not since my current ambitions took hold a few years ago. I suppose it’s about time!
I recognize that the thought of “liking myself as I am” is, in general, a foreign concept; expecting my level of accomplishment on the banjo to solve that personal issue runs the risk of ruining music for me. These are the inherent dangers of wanting more. So, I need to add a third aspect to the “desire/reality” dichotomy of the last blog; “expectation.” When desire, reality, and expectation all line up, true happiness occurs.